Inner and Outer Guides

Like Woman of the World, I also went to church as a child. For me, though, this was not part of my "good girl" pattern (which was overdeveloped in so many other ways). Church for me was a place I chose be: a place of discovery and revelation, a place to learn and to deepen my understanding of life. Some of my clearest memories are kneeling in the pew, breathing in the readings and the words of our priest, following their illuminations, feeling where they were true in me.

However, I've never been one to accept things in their predigested form. What was most significant was the new questions that emerged, the ways that the readings and the prayers and the hymns opened doorways into my own ways of knowing. I was still very young when I realized that the conclusions reached by those around me often did not make sense to me. Too often they missed the point of what I knew to be real and true in Christianity.

This balance between inner and outer guides is a tricky one. Social ostracism, violence, and wars are justified on the premise that one group's inner assessment of the words of prophets, sacred texts, and the like are better than some other group's. Too often the resolution of conflict is touted as being as simple as returning to the text, as if it is a pure form of guidance. But loyalty to an outer form of guidance can only be chosen through some inner resonance with that source. The inner guide and the outer guide must align.

Developing my inner guidance system has become a key focus in my spiritual life - learning to recognize its wisdom, develop its strength, and be willing to take action based on what I know. But just as the outer guide needs this inner guidance as a compass, the opposite is true as well. I seek the teachings and the wisdom across centuries that helps me see and know and discover, that engages my inner guide, challenging me, calling me into a confrontation with who I am and all I can be.

It's a day by day journey to find this balance. I'm grateful for the abundance of days through which I may learn.