Hunger for the More

It's striking to me how relentlessly life can seem a struggle, cycles of feeling thwarted, lost, adrift in doubt and negativity. In truth, though, flooded in all that self-pity, the real world is drowned.

Reality is fairly simple. Yes, there is pain, and dishes to be done. And that to do list looming...But what is to be gained by poking and prodding at each of those details, searching them for meaning or, worse, for a different reality than the one that truly is?

How do I stop playing with misery, knowing that there is more to my relationship with God than supplication? It is not so hard to love myself, or to see how each day is precious, or even to see that joy is somehow fed by my breath. It's easy to see the light bouncing off the faces of those I spend time with, reflections of the curious wonders of life and the delight of sharing them with others.

These are secrets easily known if only I am willing to stop the habit of denying them. And a good weapon for that is realizing how much the negativity bores me, always looking and sounding the same, creating the same predictable outcomes.

But there's a stronger weapon yet: hunger. It's not just a matter of rising above it all, untouched. There is something here, in my human moments, in this body and this life, something that needs tending and transforming. But working at, making it a struggle...that's not the point. What is life if I stop arguing and instead open to my longing, letting it guide me?

What if I stop trying to prove that I'm worth something more, and instead just choose it?

Making Changes

Several years ago, I found the absolute best system for making changes in my life that I have ever come across: the Sweet Medicine SunDance Path .  The combination of teachings and ceremony on this path are hands-down the most effective tools for making conscious, proactive, holistic change that I've encountered.  (I've linked above to the Red Lodge description because it comes closest to describing how the teachings, ceremony and experience fits together to create the fertile change ground I've felt.)  Because of this, I've been able to make my life much better, much faster, than I had thought likely possible.

And yet - there are still places in my life where I'm just not where I want to be, where I've been stuck for a while, and I don't know how to move from where I am.  Some of them are pretty important.

This week, I found myself (ok, it wasn't an accident, or unexpected) observing a workshop on making organizational change. One of the techniques they used was Force Field Analysis, a social science technique developed by Kurt Lewin.  Here is a vast simplification:

1. related to the change you desire to make, list the forces driving the change and the forces opposing
2. evaluate the driving forces - which are the strongest? which can be easily increased?
3. evaluate the opposing forces - which are the strongest? which can be easily weakened?
4. develop a plan of action based on the above analysis

I think this is usually applied in business or social settings rather than individual (but it's so new to me I don't know for sure).  In this setting, there are application worksheets and 2nd-level analysis and so on. 

However, for me, in my state of stasis, the idea that by simply increasing or decreasing the strength of one force will change the balance of forces in such a way that the change can happen - in whatever time frame - is really exciting. 

It gives me a new tool, a new approach, for those things that don't respond well to the tools I have.  If the nut won't come off with the open-end wrench, maybe you need a socket wrench with a long handle.  If you can't pull the screw out with a hammer, maybe a screwdriver would work better. 

I'm already making my list of driving and opposing forces.  I'll let you know how it comes out.

Here are a couple of places to fine force field analysis information:

• On valuebasedmanagement.net
• At Mind Tools